Let Go, Let God.

In the past weeks, a lot has been said and shared in church regarding letting go of past bitterness. We all desire to move on from our bitter past into a better future. Easier said than done.

This week has taken quite a toll on me emotionally and mentally. Just praying and processing through things of the past which I really need to learn to let go totally drained me. I know for a fact that there are things in my past - things said and unsaid, done and undone - that I've been carrying, thinking and have crystallized over the years into a ball of bitterness. I just never really dealt with them over the years, just shelved them somewhere out of sight and hopefully out of mind.    

I'm not perfect. 

That is the first thing I really need to learn to deal with if I am to let go of my past. I'm not perfect. It's not an excuse nor a reason, but a reality of who we are in our very humanistic form and the very reason why we need God who is perfect in every way; I need God. Every time I try to deal with my past bitterness, I can't help but to blame myself and put myself into a pothole of condemnation and self-pity. Hence, I quickly shelve those things into a corner without ever dealing with them really. 

I'm not perfect. Yes, I've made many crucial and perhaps to me, life changing mistakes in the past. I have my regrets. That's the reality of what has happened in my life and who I am. But God in His perfect being, carves us into His perfect plan even through the past mistakes we've made if only we learn to admit that we're not perfect and we need Him to make us right. We begin our walk from bitterness to a better today and tomorrow by first allowing Him to hold our hand and walk side by side together on that journey.  

Letting go is terribly difficult. Just as my Pastor preached, sometimes we don't even realize it but we end up taking pleasure in looking back at the bitterness of our past mistakes because of its sentiments to us. All those precious "what if" moments that we cling on to. I know it will not take over night for me to lay everything down. But it begins somewhere. Today, it begins with a posture of humility to say I'm not perfect but You are Lord. 

Help me, Lord, to let go and let You in.

It's so difficult but teach me and grant me a humble heart.

Amen.