Fear

So often we categorize our fears, pinpointing them out specifically as if it would comfort us to know that we may fear one thing but not every other thing, as if it would balance things out.
But fear is still fear, isn't it?

I've been thinking and reading on related materials and I've drawn out a conclusion about myself recently.

I am crippled by fear.

It's been exactly a year now since I last made my decision to stay on in Penang and yet, here I find myself asking the same question over again, "What am I to do here?".
A year has past and I'm back at square one.
As I retrace my steps, I find myself very much fixated to the many fears I have which has indefinitely held me back from moving forward.

The fear of failure, the fear of rejection, the fear of facing challenges, the fear of how people would perceive me; and all these fears would snowball into pride and low-self confidence.

The truth of the matter is this - I have been running away from many areas of my life simply because I'm fearful.
Yes, I am a chicken.

By the first glance of things, I would think I hadn't been heading anywhere 'productive' in the past one year. Then again, when I scrutinize each phase that I've gone through, I realize that opportunities have been given but what stopped me from ceasing those opportunities were my fears and concerns.
I hate it.
But it's true - I've been living in fear for most part of my life.

Maybe there are some past baggages in my life that I really ought to unload and move on.
Things that may have contributed to my fears.
Changing my attitude seems to be the most logical thing to do for now but the least easiest.
They say that our fears and weaknesses shouldn't stop us from moving forward, it merely acts as a guideline for us to know which route to take to get to the same destination.
Fear is an ally, if we know how to use it wisely.

For now, I need to unravel the direction in which I should be taking in my life.
Then, decide to fight my way through or chicken out again.