I Appreciate You

Aside from updating my personal blog as frequent as I possibly can, I try to upkeep my personal written journal as well. One of my journal’s list-of-things-to-do that’s been pending for a while now is actually to write string of letters, my “last letters” as I would call it.

I can’t remember how or when exactly I came up with this idea but it’s basically letters I want to personal handwrite to specific people (friends, family, etc) lest I have an early and untimely death. I know it sounds terribly morbid but hey, no harm being a little cautious right.

I haven’t actually gotten myself to do it. Writing a letter with the assumption that you’re dead for one reason or another isn’t exactly the easiest letter to compose, ya know. In line with this idea, I have decided to dedicate, to honour and to appreciate certain people that I believe have influenced me in more ways than one on this blog of mine.
In each of this entry - labelled/categorised as “I Appreciate You” – I will appreciate three persons (individuals) or groups (e.g. Family, course mates, etc). I will try to do this twice a month.
Which means...

3 x 2 = 6 people per month...
6 x 12 = 72 people per year!
(So you see, my math ain’t that bad after all..... ok, now can close windows for calculator...)

Why am I doing this exactly? For two reasons really;
Being in a culture where we don’t really practice or encourage to show much expression of love and appreciation to our loved ones, I realized that I have subconsciously become a product of such society, in which I find myself struggling when it comes to saying a simple ‘I appreciate you for being my friend’ or ‘I appreciate you for being there for me’.
In a way, we lack love, or should I say we lack the expression of love.

Secondly, being a pretty sentimental person myself, I think I would deeply appreciate if someone close to me actually thought of leaving something with me (and no, I’m not talking about money here though I’m sure I can learn to appreciate that... Haha) when he or she moves on from this earthly realm, hence, I’m going to do likewise to those who I truly appreciate.

If your name doesn’t turn out here or if you didn’t receive any sort of letter when I die, I am by no means implying that I do not appreciate you. Please be assured that I do. Every face that I’ve seen and met, every friendship forged and every ‘hi’ and ‘byes’ I have encountered with, are truly precious gems to me. Know that I can’t exactly write to every single one of you...
If I do, wah, I think I’d probably commit suicide by the end of it...
Delving too deep into character already lar... I need to play dead remember? Haha.

For my first entry on “I Appreciate You”, it’s dedicated especially to my family;

Mom, dad and big sis/jie jie.

Ok so here goes...

My Family
(wah... macam Primary 1 punya essay)

Ok, this one must go all out to appreciate or else kena pancung kepala :P

Like all clichéd Oscar speeches, I’d have to say “I wouldn’t be here and be the man that I am today without my family... (Munyit, this part is for your entertainment only -->) tens to my mommy... tens to my daddy... tens to my sister...”... Hehe.

Family definitely played an integral part in my life. E.g., my love or should I say addiction to Milo is heavily contributed by my mum. Ever since I was a toddler, she would pour me a bottle of Milo to sleep and that bottle obviously turned into a cup. Yes, the echoing “Meeeeee, pour milo pweaseeee” can be heard until this very day when Christopher Koh is back at home. Ok, fine. That’s a very shallow example. But you get the point.

I’ve had a fair share of quarrels with my parents and sister. From shouting around the house to the deadliest silent cold treatment, yet all of these were necessary to carve the journey of growth. I guess leaving home for university has also ‘opened my eyes’ to the importance of family time.

My dad is an interesting person. People who know my dad always say to me,

“Wah, your dad very happening lar... He very loud... Not like you wan...” --- Sweat.

My baba punya Papa.

Yep, he IS loud and probably more outgoing than I am. I remember once I was acting on stage, I swear I could hear him laugh amidst 150 people! But deeper than that, I think I’m like him in many ways. For instance, my dad has a pretty high level of patience.
Why I say so?
Cause he has never rotan me before (realize I mention HE never rotan me and not THEY... Let's just say mommy had a different level of tolerance altogether... Hehe).
Seriously though, I believe I inherited my long suffering ability from him. And of course, I also inherited his handyman skills... Yea rightttt, who am I kidding. I can’t even fix a light bulb for Pete’s sake. Oh well, at least I inherited his passion for sports.

My mom and I go a long way back (yea, like since she brought me into this world?). Between me and her, we have this whole love-hate relationship going on. Haha. When I was younger, I was extremely sticky to my mom (I think all sons do, especially if they’re the youngest and the only son in the family :P). Whenever my mom scold me I would conjure this idea that she doesn’t love me anymore and would cry to her endlessly while long-windedly asking

“Meeee, you love me or not? Love or not?”

If any of my friends were to asks my mom how was I like when I was a kid, she would definitely bring this ‘dark’ chapter of my life up. Yes, yes... I’ll admit it, I’m a mommy’s boy (I am so going to get it from you guys... Why did I even bother revealing this part of my life).

I think beneath all the physical sacrifice that parents make for their children, like spending money on us, taking care of our health, making sure we’re safe and sound, putting us to sleep at night, ensuring that they still love us *ahem*, beyond all that, there’s something greater they’ve sacrificed for us - themselves.

They put us first.

Their passion, focus, zest, energy and lifestyle have somehow transformed to fit that to us instead of them. We become their world. I once heard a man said this...

“If a very close friend was standing and there was a speedy car coming towards them, I would jump and try to push them out of the way, or sort of shout out to them to get out of the way. If suppose my wife or my sister was standing in front of that speeding car,
I would 100% pull them out and not mind getting hurt in the process.
But if a car was speeding towards my children,
I’ll stand in front of the car and I’m sure I’ll stop it with my own bare hands.”

It's an interesting analogy and reflecting at my life, I realized that my parents have indeed stopped many cars for me with their own bare hands. Shading me away from danger while risking their own. They are to me, my very own Superman and SuperWOman :)

Being the youngest in the family and the only SON sure has got its perks =P

And for most part, I'm being pampered and spoilt by my eldest sister – Adelene...
Oh yea, it rocks being the youngest!

Growing up together in the same house definitely has its ups and downs. It wasn't easy.
I wasn't an easy brother to handle to begin with. Having her as my sister, sure did me some good. She has always assumed her responsibilities as the eldest sister for as long as I could remember. I can recall the days when we were still kids and how we used to sleep in the same room, 3 of us (me, my eldest sis and my late second eldest sister).
We used to stay up all night laughing for no particular reason.
It was those "sibling" moments that meant a whole lot to me.

As we grew older, inevitably, we had our fair share of arguments. And as siblings, I think we don't often say how much we appreciate each other. I'm not sure if it's an Asian thing or just the fear of plain awkwardness. I'll be the first to admit that I don't do it.
At least not as frequent as I think I should.
I'm never good at verbal expression of love.
I’m better of expressing via letters or blog.
Evidently so:P

So sis, I know I've been a pain for the past 24 years of your life and I'm sorry for all the inconvenience caused. Hehe. Despite being such a brat, you still tolerated my nuisance and rebelliousness.
I wouldn't EVER EVER trade you for another sister. You're the bestest.
You're always patient, caring, loving and selfless when it comes to pampering me...
And just so you know, I appreciate that a lot. Haha.

So, to my mommy, daddy and my sissy, I mean sister, thank you for being my God-given family for the past 24 years of my life. For the love, guidance, care, teachings and money (somehow I have a strange feeling I owe you all a lot) that you have blessed me with, know that I appreciate each one of you very much.

I appreciate you! :)

With love,

The long-winded spoilt brat kid who loves his mommy's Milo :)

P.S.: To my late sis, Evelyn - Yes, I still remember you. And for the years we've shared together as brother and sisters, I appreciate you too. I'll see you again soon. :)