Duality

If you think about it, most of us are actually plagued by a split personality disorder.
Unknown to us, if we're not sensitive enough to our conducts, we are more often than not, never the same person at any time.

Duality is an invisible mask we wear everyday.

I struggled a lot with this issue back in university.
I literally led a double life, one that I was adamant to compartmentalise without being to conspicuous about it to my friends.
As I reflect back, I realized that it has always been a struggle for me even before my uni days.
It's something we all struggle to achieve --
To be who we truly are, designed by God and for God, at any given place or time.

To me, and I reckon for any other Believers who are truly seeking His will, at some point of living that heavily masked and hidden double-life, we will hit a brickwall of sheer frustration.
Frustrated because we'll come to the realisation that it's tiring.
Tiring because though' you may get away hiding from your peers, deep down inside you know you can't hide from Him.
Tiring because of the guilt you that's gradually piling up on your shoulders.
Tiring simply because we weren't meant to lead a double-life, instead, to live but ONE life.
The Life that He has intended for us to live.

Although I have closed that chapter of my life, I still do struggle in being that one single-minded-unchanging person wherever I am.
When we're in our rooms, unseen and undetected by any other physical being, we tend to be at our most transparent selves.
And when we walk out of our rooms, we cover up our flaws and defects with our deceptive smile.
We create a dichotomy mindset between Sunday-Christian and Every-other-day-Christian.
Prententiousness is somehow embedded within us.
We struggle.
I do.

I guess it's a lifelong wrestle.
I'm thankful that I'm aware of the masks I put on everyday.
Being aware reminds me each day how weak I am and proves how much I need Him all the more.
And though "the struggle to live an authetic Christ like life is not easy", we rest in assurance that we are not in this battle alone.

(Inspired after reading an article posted by FES.
To read about it, click here.)