The Action Word

Through the course of life experiences and the passage of relationship with people, I’ve tasted both the sting of getting hurt and hurting others in return.
Both aren’t a very pleasant experience.

I have become rather picky when it comes to choosing the right words, be it when I write or when I speak.
Words carry a whole lot of weight when it comes to relationship.
No, I’m not merely talking about boy-girl relationship (BGR) but something prior to that; friendship.
They say that words without actions are meaningless.
And this is reinstated in the saying that “Love is an Action word”.
An action can only be realized once a conscious decision has been made.
In fact, if you think about it, relationship/friendship sparks off with one single decision,
“Should I talk to him/her or should I just seat at my corner and pretend reading this magazine?”
A thought provoked by the present circumstance which leads to a decisive moment that may affect your future outcome.

I’m here not to talk about the stories that I’ve heard – how people have mistreated others with words and actions – but I’m here to talk about me, how I myself have hurt the people around me.

Few years back, I had the privilege to forge a friendship with a person whom until this day I regard as my mentor.
Somehow along the way and through the many circumstances that we had to go through, I decided to “put on hold” that friendship.
A very individualistic decision to be made but I did it anyway, hurting the other person in return.

Not too long ago, I had a very good friend, a comrade.
We were practically inseparable.
But like all relationships, the one biggest threat that could destroy a cord would be this creature call Jealousy.
Jealousy got to me.
As if history could not repeat itself, I took a step back, a conscious decision I made once again.
My friend of course couldn’t understand why and what happened.
In the process, we both got hurt.

I've made tremendous amount of mistakes when it comes to handling friendships.
For some, I was still able to mend but for others, it weren’t as fortunate.
I learnt things the hard way and worst still, I had to learn it numerous times over.
Actions speak louder than words and whether you do the action or not, it still sticks out like a sore thumb.
The current generation say “I love you” rather loosely these days.
Again, this is something I myself am guilty of.
Many times we utter these three words without realizing the weight behind it.
The tragic thing is that, these three words have caused more hurt and pain rather than the sense of security, comfort and peace.
More often than not, people utter “I Love You” out of emotional high.
Some say it to please their partners while others to please themselves.
In any case, it is all said out of selfishness.
This is an interesting quote taken from the movie “The Last Kiss” which in a way to me, depicts the selfishness of someone who says all the “I love you” in the world, but yet do nothing.

“Stop talking about love.
Every ***hole in the world says he loves somebody.
It means nothing.
It still doesn't mean anything.
What you feel only matters to you.
It's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters.
It's the only thing that counts

It hit me.
I know myself and I can tell you that I am a selfish being.
Those decisions that I made, which practically ruined the friendships that were precious to me , personified that selfishness.
We react to this thing call "feeling" in regardless of how others' themselves feel.
We say but we don't do.

Undeniably, love is still what keeps a friendship going and growing.
Relationship/friendship relies on love.
But what is love?
We can never clearly define it, can we?
However, what we do know is what we are suppose to do and not suppose to do when we say we LOVE;

Love is always patient, kind, never envious, not arrogant with pride, not conceited, never rude, never selfish, never get annoyed, never resentful, never glad with sin, holds on to the truth, bears up everything, believes the best in all, always hope, never fall (1 Cor. 13: 4-7).

Sadly, all of these, I’ve had at some point in my life went against it (do what I wasn’t suppose to do and not doing what I’m supposed to do) and the consequences of which were indelible scars, not just for me, but for the other person whom I’ve hurt.
A painful lesson to be learnt the hard way.

Why am I writing this?

Because I see (hear) the trend these days where people, especially couples, who say to one another
“I love you” in all it's romantic sense.
Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that it’s wrong nor am I restricting any of you to say it.
I only hope that you understand the weight behind these three words which you utter.

If you don’t, then don’t say it.
You may end up hurting someone instead.

Instead, why not save it for the day you walk down the aisle, it’ll be more worthwhile rather than losing the essence of its value in the course of your relationship.

p.s. Girls, next time you want your bf to say “I love you” to you every night, better think twice first lar. Hehe..