It rained torridly today.
While others were still nicely cuddling in bed, I was seating in front of a computer, finishing up my in-house training programme.
Bleh.
Anyway, I decided to have a little bit of some me-time this afternoon.
So I took a drive out, away from my working premise to have my lunch - just me, myself and I.
Did a lot of thinking about my current state of life and what the Big Guy is doing.
Somehow, I just couldn't tally things up.
I choose to believe that God is one who "disciplines" instead of carrying out "punishment".
I want to believe that.
Looking at my present life, however, reflects otherwise.
Okay, I'm going to cut to the chase.
Things hasn't been sunny for me.
I live in a real world and in a real world, like it or not, there are problems.
Similarly, as much as I'm going to church, serving here and serving there, I still struggle in my personal life.
If there's one thing I learnt in life is that lying to God is really not the worst case scenario.
Lying to yourself, however, is the most painful mistake you can ever make.
So I ain't gonna lie to myself and say I'm a holy joe or such cause I'm not.
I confess straight out I'm struggling.
Anyway,as hard as it may be to go through a difficult period, I find that it's actually much harder to believe that God is not punishing us but He's disciplining us by putting us in that predicament.
I have a biblical reason to believe so.
"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ,
who walk not after the flesh, but after the spirit".
Romans 8:1
It's pretty straight forward.
The thing is this;
Being the sinful person that I am, I have the tendency to think that God is punishing me instead.
As I was driving to lunch, I thought about that.
"Why do I feel so helpless?"
"Why are these things happening?"
"What have I done?"
"Is He punishing me?"
The pass few days had been rather "depressing" in the sense that I feel so lost.
Yes, I'm lost.
I realised that somehow in the course of adamantly wanting to stick to certain commitments, I have failed to see the many signboards on the road.
In a very cynical way, today's weather kinda mirrored my unseen life - gloomy and rainy.

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